Tears of Laughter

It has been raining everyday since we landed, wet, muddy. Glad I made the decision to bring the 10lb willies. The one time the sun came out it was beautiful, the fog cleared and we could see the mountain behind the college. One of the few troubling adjustments is the bugs in Malawi. There are a lot of bugs, big ones, and I’m just not curiously fascinated by bugs. I will just have to get used to them. More than bugs, I’m mostly worried about falling into the chimbutzi (pit latrine), as it happen to another volunteer last year. That is a concern that has been on all our minds since we heard the story. Tread cautiously. Being stuck in a pile of s@#$ is one thing, but being stuck in a pile of s@#$ 5 meters deep in a hole is pretty scary. After our medical sessions, we are told, we will get quite familiar with our fecal matter.
I have so much to learn here, not only from teachers/locals/PCVs, but also from other trainees. Agriculture and environmental science is unfamiliar territory, so far from finance and corporations. It’s overwhelming to be plunged in the deep end of an ocean of knowledge, almost drowning, it’s intimidating. In finance, I was amongst the top of my class, and people in the industry pride themselves on knowing more than everyone else. Knowledge is money and we have an insatiable thirst for both. We read not to learn, or to help the world, but to store in fact banks. The other trainees are so different, all brilliant in their own subjects, some on birds, others water, farming, etc. They are all incredibly resourceful, a fact I’m reminded of each day, and knowledgeable about nature and development because they actually care about these things. This knowledge is not simply a conversation point to them, it’s their passion, caring for a world that sustains us, yet most people ignore or forget in their daily lives. Especially people like SoCo, IT, and Hobbit, they emanate passion and enthusiasm. I know so little compared to these other volunteers, a new feeling of inferiority, against the grain of everything I learned.
One “rockstar” PCV just finished his third year here, he showed us a slide show of his site and projects, it was immense. The other PCVs applauded his achievements and M said jokingly (with a dash of fear we were all feeling in the audience) “Well, I feel sorry of the poor soul that has to replace Dan.” The important thing I noticed in the slideshow was that he saw a direct result of his labor. He built fish farms with his community and the villagers were able to sell the fish and turn a profit, improving their livelihoods. Back home I made countless powerpoints, documents, models, completed research projects, and it all resulted in what? Perhaps, in a distant time and place a few companies maybe improved their bottom line. Who did I personally help? No one. At least no one that really needed help. More importantly I never saw the direct result of my work. Did I build a school? A farm? No, but I got a shiny plastic trophy. This is a massive shift in values, in a good way. I just hope I physically survive long enough to do some good here (a fear stemming from our ever more interesting medical sessions).
On a different note, today was definitely at the top of my list of laughter days: I have never laughed so much in my life. My jaws, cheeks, face were all in pain, my eyes constantly watering. It started at lunchtime and carried on until 11pm, me, Jazz, Flamboyant, Sunshine, SoCo, and Hobbit (on and off). I can’t even remember what it was about. Maybe it’s the Meflaquin. At dinner we were laughing so hard that everyone was staring at us: the students, trainers, other trainees, everyone. So tired now.